You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Someone shit on the floor
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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