so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
