hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
