I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
