I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
