she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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