I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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