Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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