our cab driver is having phone sex.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
