just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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