She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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