Buhtt sex?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
