Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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