he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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