Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
