HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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