did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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