i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
