To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
