can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
