Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
