you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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