Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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