i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
