You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
