I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
