you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
