just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
