no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
