I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
