I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
