Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
