I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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