we're blogging at a bar
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
