You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
After tacos, we're chasing women.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
