He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I will be naked everywhere
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
