So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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