Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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