I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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