I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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