he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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