i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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