I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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