"it" just moved
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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