Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
