hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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