Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
