I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just want nice things and good sex
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
