If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
