i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
