I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
